I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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