I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
