I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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