I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
