did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
This toilet bowl is my home.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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