Me. At least after what I've been through.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
