I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
