i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
