If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
