she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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