Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
