Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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