sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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