Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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