He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
