do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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