You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
