it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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