I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
