He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
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