She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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