So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
