Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
