well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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