i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
