Nicole vs. Life
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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