I just made out with a guy for $7.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
