I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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