If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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