She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
