You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So vagazzling was a success
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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