You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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