i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
