please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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