im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
FUCK WHALES
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
