Can i not drive my cunt home
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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