we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
