Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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