She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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