help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
