The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
