Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize