So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Houston, we have a blender
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
