shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
