That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made him laugh his dick is mine
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
