Soap is not a condiment
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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