Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
