I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
