ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
