I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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