I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
