I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
