she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
