I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
