Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize