If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
