do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
