I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize