forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
