I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
