He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
