anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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