sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
