Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
