He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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