Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize