Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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