he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
