Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize