I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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