i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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