guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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