i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
