I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
