It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
