Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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