I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
