someone owes me an orgasm
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
