my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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