i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
